I remember back in the days of old a favorite game of mine. My friends and I would get to school early (yes, it was at school of all places) and huddle around the library Mac and play Lode Runner. The level design was mind-numbing at times and the mix of adventure and puzzle set the standard for games to come. When I heard that Worlds of Billy 2 was in this genre, I was a little excited. Sadly, my hopes and dreams for this game fell flat on their proverbial face.
If software companies even begin to think that people will buy this tripe, they are sorely mistaken. At least I hope. I can see it now, little Sammy has been asking for Max Payne since last Christmas and he knows that this year is the year. He keeps telling his parents that the violence "isn't that bad" and every time they talk it over they start to sway in Sammy's favor. Christmas finally comes around and Sammy can't contain himself because under the tree is a PC box-shaped package. When told he can open it, Sammy is off like a banshee, tearing through the paper like a Ginsu knife through a tin can (Cuts it as easily as tomato they say!), only to find the horror lurking behind the cute Santa Christmas paper, *cue dark voice "Worlds of Billy 2!" Sammy has the immediate reaction of "what the hell is this crap?!” In his head of course.
"Now Sammy I know that you are probably disappointed right now, but try to understand that that Max Payne game just looks vicious. And we can't buy you vicious games, they teach bad morals." one of his parents reply. But the only thing on Sammy's mind IS vicious violence.
The sad thing is that even though my stupid stories and ramblings can be really dumb and inane, it’s better than playing or describing The World of Billy 2. But I will fold.
Worlds of Billy 2 starts out with sloppy CG that is so 1990s, that shows Billy up too late working on his drawings. His mom scolds his dream world tardiness and Billy gets ready for bed, during which his drawings and action figures come to life but then go back to their original position when Billy returns from the bathroom. Billy then hits the sack and dreams of beating the crap out of the drawings that he thinks up. No I am not joking. The next thing you know you are using a pickaxe (or shovel) and digging holes. Then a horribly programmed AI monster will fall into the hole and you beat his head in with a hammer until the monster pops back out of the hole, or until you kill it. And that my friends is the whole game. After about ten or so stages of this Mexican prison treatment, I wanted to self-mutilate myself with a rusty fork. Seriously, the control is on some sort of grid system, meaning that no matter if you tap or hold the arrow button down, you walk in a predefined path. And the "power-ups" that you get are nothing but a means to a retarded end. Nothing, and I mean nothing, can make this game's absolutely stupid premise even better, no matter if they throw land mines in the mix. (And usually having things that go "boom" make everything better.)
The soundtrack, I must admit, kept my attention for a while, till it kept repeating... and repeating... and repeating. You get the picture. And the sound is pretty clear but sparse in the variety department. There are ten different worlds with fifteen levels in each. This thought alone horrifies me beyond belief. I would hate to have been put through the torture of making these levels since it’s the same crap over and over again. Really, what’s a different level when all you do is dig a hole and wait for some schmuck to fall into it, then repeatedly beat his skull in. You don’t need more levels, you need more drugs. (Well, ok maybe that’s going a little overboard.)
Run far, far, away from this monstrosity. I could go into more detail about how bad this game is, but seriously, aren't you sick of hearing about it already?